I Know They’re Not Proud Of Me
When I checked Daily Post it hit me. I had been so excited about what they’d ask us to write about that when I found out I immediately wanted to skip today’s prompt.
I couldn’t think about the last time someone told me they were proud of me.
Maybe because no one is proud of me and that’s why I wanted to escape this topic. After all, I decided to face it.
I am going to write about it even though there’s no one proud of me. However, after I’m done with this post I want to say that I made myself proud.
This post is for me.
There was a time when I even fell into depression because I realized that my parents weren’t proud of me and I told myself over and over again that I wasn’t worth them. They’d be so much better off without me.
It took me quite a while to recover. Yet, I’m not sure If I actually have fully recovered.
This isn’t going to be about my depression but I know that if someone would have made me feel like they had been proud of me I might have not fallen into such a deep hole.
As I got better you might think someone has finally told me they were proud of me but I truly can’t remember anyone doing it lately. I started to ignore my desire for making my parents proud, while still trying to make them proud secretly.
I tried harder in school, started to write a novel and concentrated on things I was good at. And just the thought of how my parents could be happy about better marks made me feel good. In the meantime I was afraid that one bad mark could destroy it all, which made it almost impossible for me to continue.
I wasn’t even trying to break the cycle. It was part of me.
So whose fault is it?
In my situation, are my parents the one to blame because they didn’t realize how hard I was trying or were my efforts not enough?
Eventually, I think we shouldn’t try to make someone proud of us.
Pride goes before a fall., describes it perfectly. Even if it’s not someone’s intention to be better than anyone else but just the ardent wish to be appreciated, usually there’s no happy end.
Few weeks ago I told someone I was proud of him. He said “thank you” and I wondered why he said it as he deserved credit.
Now I understand.
It’s not something you gain, it’s a gift.
So if someone doesn’t tell you they’re proud of you even if you expected it doesn’t mean you did a bad job.
It’s their decision and if they tell you that they’re proud of you in the end, prize it highly.
These words aren’t valuable in money.